Postcards From Oblivion

No, I’m not talking about the highly entertaining video by the Foo Fighters, but if you haven’t seen it, here’s the link so you can go have yourself a chuckle.

Wombat Earhart

I’m also not referring to a desire to explore all things aviation. I definitely don’t possess the attention span required to operate an aircraft. Plus, I don’t look all that good in a captain’s hat, and fashion always comes first, right?

What I’m referring to is the lady who helps people get their shiz together, like having an organized and clutter-free home. So, I turned to The Fly Lady (a friend told me about her years ago). She’s really taken off (bzzz) since I last visited her site, what with her whole production company superimposing her flytastic self into silly situations, but her message is the same. Take a few minutes each day to tackle those hot spots (read: scary piles) in your home.

When I sampled her clutter-clearing words of wisdom years ago, I surmised she didn’t have small children. She suggests you unload the dishwasher in the morning, toss in a load of laundry so you can pop it in the dryer before leaving for work, and for the love of all that is holy, please shine your kitchen sink. Just seeing it sparkle is supposed to make you feel better about the general state of your abode.

Wow, I DO feel better! Too bad this isn't my sink.

I could shine my sink to a blinding sheen, but I’mma still see that mess on the stove that I was too tired to scrub off the night before. And the scary piles. And the Polly Pocket clothing parade that snakes through the family room. And the Sophie hair tumble weeds. And the list goes on.

My version of that routine went something like this:

• Wake up, shuffle downstairs to pack lunches. Wish I’d packed them the night before. Recall that I was washing sink full of dishes last night and dragged myself to bed.
• Grab sandwich container from dishwasher and note water droplets. Conclude that dishes should air dry several days hours before unloading.
• Place son’s breakfast dishes in moderately shiny sink.
• Push scary pile aside to make room for sandwich ingredients.
• Realize that Mr. Wombat needs that space and move to the stove to work.
• Avoid hot burner Mr. Wombat used.
• Avoid other burner with petrified spilled rice water encircling it.
• Melt bread bag on the burner Mr. Wombat used. Vow to scrape it later.
• Go back upstairs to wake up The Girly. Present clothes and tell her to get dressed.
• Get toothbrushes loaded for ease of routine.
• Check on Girly.
• Wake her up again.
• Prop her up and dress her while she’s half asleep.
• Walk her downstairs and finish packing lunches.
• Pat self on back for packing snacks the night before.
• Put bread in toaster for Girly and dash to basement to put in load of wash.
• Realize I’d left wash in machine overnight.
• Re-run that load to remove mildew smell from clothes.
• Dash back upstairs and help Mister Man locate glove.
• Find glove upstairs that dog absconded with the night before.
• Scrape dried dog food remnants from glove with fingernails and drop it down to him.
• Set toast in front of Girly only to have her tell you she’s not really hungry.
• Shoo her upstairs to brush teeth. Defend reasons why she should brush even though she didn’t eat anything.
• Mix up quick batch of Carnation Instant Breakfast to send to school with Girly so she doesn’t get The Rickets.
• Check out window to make sure bus stop boys are behaving.
• Open window and do my best white trash holler to boys to stop throwing snowballs and get the heck out of the road.
• Call upstairs to Girly who’s singing in the mirror instead of brushing.
• Go assist with high-speed brushing.
• Run downstairs, slip and butt bump down last five stairs.
• Thank junk in my trunk for cushioning the fall.
• Hobble to coat and boots to ready them for Girly’s departure.
• Dress her at warp speed and send her on her way.
• Hang out door in bathrobe and call her back to put library books in her bag.
• Tell her to run because the bus is coming.
• Park myself in front of computer with bowl of cereal.
• Remove Fly Lady from Bookmarked sites.
• Breathe sigh of relief and read blogs while enjoying my Chex.