The Girly’s thoughts of late have been focused mainly on a BFF. More specifically, that she lacks one. And how everyone else seems to have found theirs. *sniff*
On Christmas Eve this year, she crawled up onto my bed where I was folding clothes. She said, “You want to know what I’m wishing for this year? I know it’s something Santa can’t bring me. I’d really like a best friend.”
Thwoop thwoop thwoop thwoop thwoop thwoop …
That sound you just heard? A hundred arrows hitting a mother’s heart.
She also tells me she sits alone on the bus. Now, I know she’s sat with other kids on the bus before. They were usually younger girls with whom she really didn’t have much in common. I applauded her for not clinging to someone just for the sake of having someone to call “friend.” I admired her independence. As the year has gone on, though, she’s noticing the girls who do share seats and secrets, and it pains her. And her mom.
In the classroom she has friends, but some either already have claimed another as their best bud, or they just don’t share that special BFF chemistry. She had a BFF in preschool, but they grew apart when they went to different kindergartens.
I figured it was normal that I found my BFF in first grade and was glued to her side until sixth, when we made the transition to the big school that housed grades 7 through 12.
[Sidebar: Yes, it was a small town. In fact, I think the population count may reveal more cows in residence than people. No, I never went cow tipping.]
This fact makes it all the more amazing to me now that I not only found a true bosom buddy in elementary school, but also discovered another wonderful friend to whom I was attached from 7th to 12th grade. I continue to cherish our friendship and endless arsenal of memories and inside jokes. I had a handful of close friends in high school that I wouldn’t have traded for the world and am blessed to still call friends.
Same goes for the small circle I befriended in college. Distance doesn’t damper the fact that we’re friends for life.
So I’m now trying to impart some wisdom to help my Girly find her BFF.
No pressure there.
She thinks it’s easier to make friends as an adult. Nay, nay, my child. Nay, nay. The complications of adulthood, couplehood, and parenthood can often make for a murky wade into the waters of friendship, as explained in this New York Times article.
I do find it’s a little more difficult to cultivate friendships now. When I worked in an office, it seemed easier. Since becoming an at-home mom, it’s been a bit more challenging. I have, however, forged new friendships for which I’m very grateful.
I often hear chatter of friends met through blogging and Tweeting, but this mostly alludes me. As an adult, I have a tendency toward some social awkwardness I never experienced before. I have befriended a few people through blogging, but I never know to what extent I can grow the friendship without seeming stalky.
It’s a brave new world. All of this makes me a slightly less confident about doling out friendship guidance.
The best advice I can give her at this point is to simply be the kind of friend she’d like to have. She will find her BFF one day (Lordy–please let it be soon!). Come to think of it, I guess that’s the advice I’d give for making friends at any stage of life!
What’s your advice for making friends at any age?