The Girly’s thoughts of late have been focused mainly on a BFF. More specifically, that she lacks one. And how everyone else seems to have found theirs. *sniff*
On Christmas Eve this year, she crawled up onto my bed where I was folding clothes. She said, “You want to know what I’m wishing for this year? I know it’s something Santa can’t bring me. I’d really like a best friend.”
Thwoop thwoop thwoop thwoop thwoop thwoop …
That sound you just heard? A hundred arrows hitting a mother’s heart.
She also tells me she sits alone on the bus. Now, I know she’s sat with other kids on the bus before. They were usually younger girls with whom she really didn’t have much in common. I applauded her for not clinging to someone just for the sake of having someone to call “friend.” I admired her independence. As the year has gone on, though, she’s noticing the girls who do share seats and secrets, and it pains her. And her mom.
In the classroom she has friends, but some either already have claimed another as their best bud, or they just don’t share that special BFF chemistry. She had a BFF in preschool, but they grew apart when they went to different kindergartens.
A single rose can be my garden… a single friend, my world.
Leo Buscaglia
I figured it was normal that I found my BFF in first grade and was glued to her side until sixth, when we made the transition to the big school that housed grades 7 through 12.
[Sidebar: Yes, it was a small town. In fact, I think the population count may reveal more cows in residence than people. No, I never went cow tipping.]
This fact makes it all the more amazing to me now that I not only found a true bosom buddy in elementary school, but also discovered another wonderful friend to whom I was attached from 7th to 12th grade. I continue to cherish our friendship and endless arsenal of memories and inside jokes. I had a handful of close friends in high school that I wouldn’t have traded for the world and am blessed to still call friends.
Same goes for the small circle I befriended in college. Distance doesn’t damper the fact that we’re friends for life.
So I’m now trying to impart some wisdom to help my Girly find her BFF.
No pressure there.
She thinks it’s easier to make friends as an adult. Nay, nay, my child. Nay, nay. The complications of adulthood, couplehood, and parenthood can often make for a murky wade into the waters of friendship, as explained in this New York Times article.
I do find it’s a little more difficult to cultivate friendships now. When I worked in an office, it seemed easier. Since becoming an at-home mom, it’s been a bit more challenging. I have, however, forged new friendships for which I’m very grateful.
I often hear chatter of friends met through blogging and Tweeting, but this mostly alludes me. As an adult, I have a tendency toward some social awkwardness I never experienced before. I have befriended a few people through blogging, but I never know to what extent I can grow the friendship without seeming stalky.
It’s a brave new world. All of this makes me a slightly less confident about doling out friendship guidance.
The best advice I can give her at this point is to simply be the kind of friend she’d like to have. She will find her BFF one day (Lordy–please let it be soon!). Come to think of it, I guess that’s the advice I’d give for making friends at any stage of life!
What’s your advice for making friends at any age?
From Cheryl:
I have the same awkwardness making friends, and being thought of as stalky is always at the forefront of my worries! However, I will say that I’ve met some women online through blogging that have become amazing friends (and no, not met in the sense that Te’o “met” his girlfriend). We’ve spoken on the phone quite often over several years, know (and have spoken to) each others’ families, and have helped each other through a daughter going overseas to college, sickness, a surgery, a pregnancy, and even a divorce. I’ve got a possible IRL pal in the making in the mom of one of my son’s friends that we see on a fairly regular basis – fingers crossed! The best advice I can give you as an adult trying to make new friends is not to stress about it because that will just add to making new friends more difficult.
As for Girly, same advice – don’t stress about it, and try to reassure her that when she meets her future BFF, she’ll know almost right away. I met mine in Kindergarten. She was in 1st grade , had just moved to town, and made fun of my “moon boots”…we’ve been best friends ever since the next day. Even though we don’t get together or talk nearly as much as we’d like – life gets in the way like that – when we are able to connect, it’s as if no time has gone by at all, and a friendship like that is well worth the wait.
Cheryl recently posted..No, it can’t be 2013 already!
From Wombat Central:
Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Cheryl! I do find I’m less stressed about making friends these days, and I hope that rubs off on my daughter. I did struggle for a few years with adult cliques in my area who really weren’t my type, but I still ended up feeling excluded.
I’ve met one blog buddy in person, and I was so glad I did. Never had occasion to speak to any on the phone, though would surely be fun!
At least at our age, we can pursue our interests and make friends naturally along the way.
From Karyn Climans:
Gulp … Parenting is the toughest job in the world. There are NO easy answers and I don’t think we’ll ever stop worrying about our kids!
Karyn Climans recently posted..It’s Officially Fall!
From Wombat Central:
I’m sure you’re right Karen. All I can do is give her guidance and hope that she meets a bff one day that is worth the wait!
From Julie Jordan Scott:
Last night we hosted six teen girls at my house for a sleepover. She has never had so many girls here at the same time… she never had a BFF when she was younger. Yes, it broke my heart. I know that feeling of Thomp Thomp Thomp….
I wish I could say I did something brilliant.
In the past I thought I could find a friend who had a friend her age through a Mom’s group or something. Do you have time to volunteer at school? I found that showing up at school helped my son, who has autism and social skills problems.
Sending love your way.
Julie Jordan Scott recently posted..Imogen Cunningham: Artist, Photographer, and Mom Who Was Ahead of Her Time.
From Wombat Central:
Thanks for your kind words! Yes, I do volunteer when they’ll have me (once they hit third grade, the teachers really don’t want the parents around much). I’m sure she’ll make that connection. Good to hear your daughter has a group of girlfriends she enjoys at her age.
From Roni Faida:
I find that if I’m just my normal crazy self, those that appreciate my sarcastic sense of humor are drawn to me, and thankfully I’ve met some lovely ladies that get me and I don’t have to censor everything that comes out of my mouth. We are teaching my nephew to ask questions when he meets a new person, something that will spark a conversation so he can make new friends. He does this with people of all ages (he’s 6).
Also, how about just asking someone, “Hey, you wanna grab a cup of coffee/tea?” I mean, who doesn’t like either one of those?
Roni Faida recently posted..Camden Lock Cruise In London
From Wombat Central:
I’ve definitely found ladies with whom I can share the sarcasm and snark, and it’s nice to not have to censor! I’m hoping my Girly can find someone who appreciates her silly sense of humor. Yeah, I do make coffee/lunch dates sometimes. Thanks for stopping by!
From bonnie:
Working with kids ages 5-11 every day, I’ve watch the ever changing ritual of the BFF. The thing I noticed most is the fact that not too many stay BFF for the 6+ years that they are at this school. AND some BFFs are truly mean to each other especially if they aren’t together. One day your BFF next day someone else is your BFF. Really haven’t seen the BFF of our childhood today.
Makes me think the BFF thing is just over rated, even in adulthood…..
bonnie recently posted..Is Imitation the Best Form of Flattery?
From Wombat Central:
I think they can be fickle at that age. I don’t know what the difference was when we were little. Maybe I just got really lucky in finding the perfect matches for me at the right times, but it sounds as if it was the same way for you.
I’m hoping there’s eventually a great connection for her.
From Tess:
I can totally relate to the BFF thing. I’ve found it easier to be friends with men then women because Ive been betrayed by them (women) in the past. It truly does not get easier to make friends the older you get!
Tess recently posted..Valentine’s Day Giveaway- 24 PK Bubble Gum Party Favors
From Wombat Central:
Men make great friends, for sure, but there’s nothing like having a true blue girlfriend who you can dish with about men!