Dear Taylor Swift,
I don’t know jack squat a great deal about your music except for the one song my 5-year-old daughter is digging on lately. I’m sure you’re fab, since you’ve stolen all those awards from Beyoncé won so many fine awards (although it was painful to watch you attempt a “duet” with Stevie Nicks on the Grammys. Who got table-dance drunk and came up with that unlikely pairing?).
Anyway, I’m just wondering what’s going on with your eyes. More specifically, your eye makeup. I wrote those words in slanty italics to match your slanty, slutty, half shut, caked-with-makeup eyes. Are your fake lashes too heavy for your lids? Really, because every time I’ve seen you steal win an award I think to myself, “What is up with girlfriend’s eyes? Is she high? Is she sleepy? Is she afraid to open them for fear of seeing Kanye West charging the stage?”
I did manage to find one picture where the makeup doesn’t seem as heavy, and I can see those peepers. Girl, they’re pretty! Looks as if you’re posing for pics in your bra, too, but that’s a topic for another letter.
So, take some advice from a lady who probably wouldn’t recognize you in person a friend, and scale back the Mary Kay a couple notches. Your overworked lids will thank you.
XO,
Wombat Central
From Keli:
I agree, I have often wondered if she just has to much makeup on, or if she is squinting all the time. She is a pretty girl, but those eyes need some work.
From bambooska:
I thought her eyes were that tiny but, oh. I'm wrong. She's got beautiful eyes, she just doesn't know the best way to deal with it. Yet.
Call Kanye West. He won't feel shy in giving her this advice.
From You're Lucky I Don't Have a Gun...:
i always thought she just had heavy/ squinty eyes and the makeup was sprayed on to make them look bigger/ dreamier. but now that i’ve seen her with her eyes wide open- wtf is going on with her?
You’re Lucky I Don’t Have a Gun… recently posted..Sprocket Ink – You Can Find Me Here
From Maranda:
Hahahaha!!! I just thought she had squinty eyes. I love her but you are right…she should lay off the eye makeup a bit.
Maranda recently posted..Operation Layla Bake Sale
From Darleya:
hihihi! It’s so true! She always looks so squinty, and it HAS to be that eye make-up.
Darleya recently posted..Review of Milestones Ottawa